i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
