I molested 6 butterflies tonight
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
