he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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