i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think people are normalizing furries
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
