The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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