At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
high people should be assigned attendants
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
