my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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