my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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