Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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