God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
