The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
