Who wears a wallet chain?!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
