I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize