If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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