It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize