Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize