you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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