Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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