Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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