So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
