i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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