Me too!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
