She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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