Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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