There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize