wrigley field is MILF paradise
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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