She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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