My brain says no but my pants say off.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
