alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She bit a glass in half.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
