Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
