I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize