whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
