i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
