hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
