He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize