all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
