I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
