guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
