Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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