last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
