im drinking this country out of the recession.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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