You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
