Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
