Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize