she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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