HIV tests are more positive than that guy
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
