what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
