Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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