great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
