When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize