I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
it was like eating out sand paper
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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