you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
