Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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