I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
