the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
