I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize