I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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