Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
