mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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