you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
