I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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