We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
