I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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