put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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