Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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