I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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