Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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