I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
