Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
