I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
