3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
