is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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