they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize