remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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