There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
