It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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