Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
