my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
