Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
