I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
