There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cannot find my penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
