what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
