I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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