Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
