You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
