i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's get the cat blown out
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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