i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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