if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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