Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
