my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
