She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
