some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
