Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
