Your dad touched me again.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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