so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
