chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She said her name was "party"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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