I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
