theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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