I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
