Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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