Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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