What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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