Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
