her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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