I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
