Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize