Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize