Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
