woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
