He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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