i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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